Potty Mouths by John Vanis

Ever wonder if your baby could talk? They would probably speak the brutal truth- “Where’s the DAMN bottle?” to “Wipe my ASS!” Potty Mouths: The shit I would say if I could talk is not your ordinary children’s book. It is a laugh‑out‑loud look at early parenthood through the most chaotic narrator imaginable — a newborn with zero filter and a full arsenal of profanity. This adult‑humor picture book flips the script on traditional baby stories, delivering sharp satire, raw honesty, and the kind of exaggerated inner monologue every exhausted parent has secretly imagined. Packed with outrageous baby commentary, over‑the‑top rants, and brutally funny observations about feeding, crying, sleeping, and surviving the newborn stage, Potty Mouths blends parenting humor, satire, and illustrated comedy into a fast, punchy read. Each page channels the voice of a tiny tyrant who’s hungry, confused, overstimulated, and absolutely done with everyone’s nonsense — making it perfect for parents who appreciate bold jokes and aren’t afraid of a little (okay, a lot of) profanity. This book isn’t for kids — it’s for the grown‑ups who need a break, a laugh, and a reminder that parenting is messy, ridiculous, and sometimes best handled with humor. If you’ve ever wondered what your baby really thinks, this book gives you the unfiltered version — and it’s gloriously chaotic.